CFFL YEAR in Review: 2008 - PART 1

2008 CFFL MVP RESULTS

WEEK 10

TEAM STARS:

Chasers - Peyton Manning
Colts - Mewelde Moore
StS - Jay Cutler
JGR - DeAngelo Williams & Chester Taylor
Punchers - Tony G
Sweepers - Thomas Jones
B-Rads - A-Pete
Stratt Men - Matt Forte
Breasts - MJD
GOODFELLAS - Ricky Williams
SK Warriors - Marques Colston
TTB - Bo Scaife
Eagles - Drew Brees
Boyz - Kellen Winslow

STARS OF THE WEEK (Star #1 = 3 stars, #2 = 2 stars, #3 = 1 star)

STAR #1: 37.25 - Jay Cutler - StS
STAR #2: 33.30 - Tony Gonzalez - Punchers
STAR #3: 33.10 - K2 - Boyz


STAR LEADERS AT END OF WEEK 10 (Most stars at the end of of the season is the MVP)

11 Andre Johnson

7 Brian Westbrook
7 Marion Barber

6 Anquan Boldin
6 Jay Cutler
6 Brandon Marshall
6 Michael Turner

5 Lav Coles
5 Donald Driver
5 Steven Jackson
5 Chris Johnson
5 Larry Johnson
5 Clinton Portis

4 Drew Brees
4 Tony Gonzalez
4 TJ Houshyomommakfhjefafdflhdah
4 Greg Jennings
4 Thomas Jones
4 Mewelde Moore
4 Adrian Peterson
4 LT
4 Roddy White

3 Bernard Berrian
3 Reggie Bush
3 Donovan McNabb
3 Lance Moore
3 Santana Moss
3 FWP
3 Kellen Winslow

2 Antonio Bryant
2 Correll Buckhalter
2 Plaxico Burress
2 Jerricho Cotchery
2 DeSean Jackson
2 Brandon Jacobs
2 Larry Fitzgerald
2 Frank Gore
2 Aaron Rodgers
2 Hines Ward
2 LenDale White

1 Donnie Avery
1 Steve Breaston
1 Ronnie Brown
1 Isaac Bruce
1 Chris Chambers
1 Dallas Clark
1 Marques Colston
1 Chris Cooley
1 Owen Daniels
1 Braylon Edwards
1 Matt Forte
1 Earnest Graham
1 Marvin Harrison
1 Ike Hilliard
1 Vincent Jackson
1 Edgerrin James
1 Michael Jenkins
1 Calvin Johnson
1 Chad Johnson
1 MJD
1 Matt Jones
1 Marshawn Lynch
1 Peyton Manning
1 Darren McFadden
1 Randy Moss
1 Phillip Rivers
1 Dominic Rhodes
1 Bo Scaife
1 Steve Smith
1 Chester Taylor
1 Fred Taylor
1 Kurt Warner
1 Reggie Wayne
1 DeAngelo Williams
1 Ricky Williams
1 Jason Witten

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CFFL MVP
WEEK 11

TEAM STARS:

Chasers - TJ Houshmaafjejhfhasdeh
Warriors - Frank Gore
StS - Antonio Pittman
TTB - MJD
Sweepers - Anquan Boldin
Boyz - Braylon Edwards
B-Rads - Dwayne Bowe
Punchers - Steve Slaton
Breasts - Brett Favre
JGR - Marion Barber
Colts - Jerricho Cotchery
Men - Matt Forte
Eagles - Marshawn Lynch
FELLAS - Ted Ginn, Jr.


STARS OF THE WEEK (Star #1 = 3 stars, #2 = 2 stars, #3 = 1 star)

STAR #1: 33.70 - Marshawn Lynch* - Eagles
STAR #2: 32.90 - TJ Houshahfjdjfedeh - Chasers
STAR #3: 31.90 - Anquan Boldin - Sweepers
* - Matt Cassel had 40.20 points ON RICE'S BENCH!!!!



STAR LEADERS AT END OF WEEK 11 (Most stars at the end of of the season is the MVP)

11 Andre Johnson

8 Marion Barber
8 Anquan Boldin
8 TJ Houshyomommakfhjefafdflhdah

7 Brian Westbrook

6 Jay Cutler
6 Brandon Marshall
6 Michael Turner

5 Lav Coles
5 Donald Driver
5 Steven Jackson
5 Chris Johnson
5 Larry Johnson
5 Marshawn Lynch
5 Clinton Portis

4 Drew Brees
4 Tony Gonzalez
4 Greg Jennings
4 Thomas Jones
4 Mewelde Moore
4 Adrian Peterson
4 LT
4 Roddy White

3 Bernard Berrian
3 Reggie Bush
3 Jerricho Cotchery
3 Frank Gore
3 Donovan McNabb
3 Lance Moore
3 Santana Moss
3 FWP
3 Kellen Winslow

2 Antonio Bryant
2 Correll Buckhalter
2 Plaxico Burress
2 Braylon Edwards
2 Matt Forte
2 DeSean Jackson
2 Brandon Jacobs
2 MJD
2 Larry Fitzgerald
2 Aaron Rodgers
2 Hines Ward
2 LenDale White

1 Donnie Avery
1 Steve Breaston
1 Ronnie Brown
1 Isaac Bruce
1 Dwayne Bowe
1 Chris Chambers
1 Dallas Clark
1 Marques Colston
1 Chris Cooley
1 Owen Daniels
1 Brett Favre
1 Ted Ginn, Jr.
1 Earnest Graham
1 Marvin Harrison
1 Ike Hilliard
1 Vincent Jackson
1 Edgerrin James
1 Michael Jenkins
1 Calvin Johnson
1 Chad Johnson
1 Matt Jones
1 Peyton Manning
1 Darren McFadden
1 Randy Moss
1 Antonio Pittman
1 Phillip Rivers
1 Dominic Rhodes
1 Bo Scaife
1 Steve Slaton
1 Steve Smith
1 Chester Taylor
1 Fred Taylor
1 Kurt Warner
1 Reggie Wayne
1 DeAngelo Williams
1 Ricky Williams
1 Jason Witten

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CFFL MVP
WEEK 12

TEAM STARS:

Chasers - Peyton Manning
StS - Santonio Holmes
Warriors - Tyler Thigpen
Men - Matt Forte
FELLAS - LT & Heath Miller
Boyz - Aaron Rodgers
B-Rads - Greg Jennings
Sweepers - TO
Breasts - Warrick Dunn
TTB - Randy Moss
Colts - Eli Manning
Punchers - Michael Turner
Eagles - Drew Brees
JGR - Tony Romo

STARS OF THE WEEK (Star #1 = 3 stars, #2 = 2 stars, #3 = 1 star)

STAR #1: 38.50 - Randy Moss* - TTB
STAR #2: 35.70 - Michael Turner - Punchers
STAR #3: 34.30 - TO - Sweepers
* - Matt Cassel had 40.15 points ON RICE'S BENCH!!!!


STAR LEADERS AT END OF WEEK 12 (Most stars at the end of of the season is the MVP)

11 Andre Johnson

9 Michael Turner

8 Marion Barber
8 Anquan Boldin
8 TJ Houshyomommakfhjefafdflhdah

7 Brian Westbrook

6 Jay Cutler
6 Brandon Marshall

5 Drew Brees
5 Lav Coles
5 Donald Driver
5 Steven Jackson
5 Greg Jennings
5 Chris Johnson
5 Larry Johnson
5 Marshawn Lynch
5 Randy Moss
5 Clinton Portis
5 LT

4 Tony Gonzalez
4 Thomas Jones
4 Mewelde Moore
4 Adrian Peterson
4 Roddy White

3 Bernard Berrian
3 Reggie Bush
3 Jerricho Cotchery
3 Matt Forte
3 Frank Gore
3 Donovan McNabb
3 Lance Moore
3 Santana Moss
3 FWP
3 Aaron Rodgers
3 Kellen Winslow

2 Antonio Bryant
2 Correll Buckhalter
2 Plaxico Burress
2 Braylon Edwards
2 DeSean Jackson
2 Brandon Jacobs
2 MJD
2 Larry Fitzgerald
2 Peyton Manning
2 TO
2 Hines Ward
2 LenDale White

1 Donnie Avery
1 Steve Breaston
1 Ronnie Brown
1 Isaac Bruce
1 Dwayne Bowe
1 Chris Chambers
1 Dallas Clark
1 Marques Colston
1 Chris Cooley
1 Owen Daniels
1 Warrick Dunn
1 Brett Favre
1 Ted Ginn, Jr.
1 Earnest Graham
1 Marvin Harrison
1 Ike Hilliard
1 Santonio Holmes
1 Vincent Jackson
1 Edgerrin James
1 Michael Jenkins
1 Calvin Johnson
1 Chad Johnson
1 Matt Jones
1 Darren McFadden
1 Elijah Manning
1 Heath Miller
1 Antonio Pittman
1 Phillip Rivers
1 Dominic Rhodes
1 Tony Romo
1 Bo Scaife
1 Steve Slaton
1 Steve Smith
1 Chester Taylor
1 Fred Taylor
1 Tyler Thigpen
1 Kurt Warner
1 Reggie Wayne
1 DeAngelo Williams
1 Ricky Williams
1 Jason Witten

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CFFL MVP
WEEK 13

TEAM STARS:

Chasers - Brian Westbrook
Breasts - Jason Witten
Warriors - Larry Fitzgerald
Punchers - Steve Slaton
FELLAS - LT
JGR - DeAngelo Williams
B-Rads - Greg Jennings
Boyz - Aaron Rodgers
StS - Jay Cutler
Men - Matt Forte
Colts - Donald Driver
Sweepers - Thomas Jones
Eagles - Drew Brees
TTB - Donovan McNabb

STARS OF THE WEEK (Star #1 = 3 stars, #2 = 2 stars, #3 = 1 star)

STAR #1: 40.00 - Brian Westbrook - Chasers
STAR #2: 35.60 - DeAngelo Williams - JGR
STAR #3: 32.20 - Steve Slaton - Punchers


FINAL STAR LEADERS (Most stars at the end of of the season is the MVP)

11 Andre Johnson
11 Brian Westbrook

9 Michael Turner

8 Marion Barber
8 Anquan Boldin
8 TJ Houshyomommakfhjefafdflhdah

7 Jay Cutler

6 Drew Brees
6 Donald Driver
6 Greg Jennings
6 Brandon Marshall
6 LT

5 Lav Coles
5 Steven Jackson
5 Chris Johnson
5 Larry Johnson
5 Thomas Jones
5 Marshawn Lynch
5 Randy Moss
5 Clinton Portis

4 Tony Gonzalez
4 Donovan McNabb
4 Mewelde Moore
4 Adrian Peterson
4 Aaron Rodgers
4 Roddy White
4 DeAngelo Williams

3 Bernard Berrian
3 Reggie Bush
3 Jerricho Cotchery
3 Larry Fitzgerald
3 Matt Forte
3 Frank Gore
3 Lance Moore
3 Santana Moss
3 FWP
3 Steve Slaton
3 Kellen Winslow

2 Antonio Bryant
2 Correll Buckhalter
2 Plaxico Burress
2 Braylon Edwards
2 DeSean Jackson
2 Brandon Jacobs
2 MJD
2 Peyton Manning
2 TO
2 Hines Ward
2 LenDale White
2 Jason Witten

1 Donnie Avery
1 Steve Breaston
1 Ronnie Brown
1 Isaac Bruce
1 Dwayne Bowe
1 Chris Chambers
1 Dallas Clark
1 Marques Colston
1 Chris Cooley
1 Owen Daniels
1 Warrick Dunn
1 Brett Favre
1 Ted Ginn, Jr.
1 Earnest Graham
1 Marvin Harrison
1 Ike Hilliard
1 Santonio Holmes
1 Vincent Jackson
1 Edgerrin James
1 Michael Jenkins
1 Calvin Johnson
1 Chad Johnson
1 Matt Jones
1 Darren McFadden
1 Elijah Manning
1 Heath Miller
1 Antonio Pittman
1 Phillip Rivers
1 Dominic Rhodes
1 Tony Romo
1 Bo Scaife
1 Steve Smith
1 Chester Taylor
1 Fred Taylor
1 Tyler Thigpen
1 Kurt Warner
1 Reggie Wayne
1 Ricky Williams


----------------------------------------------------------------

2008 CFFL MVP
FINAL STANDINGS

T1 - 11 Andre Johnson
T1 - 11 Brian Westbrook
3 - 9 Michael Turner
T4 - 8 Marion Barber
T4 - 8 Anquan Boldin
T4 - 8 TJ Houshyomommakfhjefafdflhdah
7 - 7 Jay Cutler
T8 - 6 Drew Brees
T8 - 6 Donald Driver
T8 - 6 Greg Jennings
T8 - 6 Brandon Marshall
T8 - 6 LT


Ironically, George's trade for Jason Witten cost Andre Johnson the Week 13 Breasts Team Star (In a losing effort AGAINST Brian Westbrook) and consequently he ended up sharing the award. If Andre Johnson had managed to score .31 more points in Week 13 he would have won the game for his team.

WEEKLY REVIEW: WEEK 9

1) Matchups

THE AMBULANCE CHASERS vs THE BROWN B-RADS
Chasers thrash the B-Rads
126.50-114.50
Team Stars
Chasers: Chris Johnson (28.10)
B-Rads: A-Pete (19.90)

AWESOME! The Chasers dramatically beat the 1st place B-Rads on a Sunday Night Miracle! The Peyton Manning trade was validated - with gusto - as he marched up and down the field, leading the Colts to victory over the Patsies and the Chasers to victory over the B-rads. All hail the face of the NFL!

Also, I DARED Brad to score only 114 points and the cocky sonuvabitch did! Hubris has brought down better teams than yours, Arbige. Its ruined every single JGR team ever. You had this league wrapped up and I just ripped it out of your hands and threw it up in the air. Bitch.

Cinco Ocho >>>> Ocho Cinco

StS vs. THE GOODFELLAS
Jay saves some pride
86.50-83.55
Team Stars
Stump: Jay Cutler (23.55)
Fellas: Ocho Stinko (20.70)

Mike made a brilliant trade for Kevin Faulk that nearly salvaged his week... but, like most of the losing teams, cost himself the game by sticking with his craptacular early RB picks that havent panned out.

DONKEY PUNCHERS vs. SPANK IT BOYZ
Punchers score a lot of points in a down scoring week when they didnt need it
141.85-88.55
Team Stars
Punchers: Antonio Bryant (25.50)
Boyz: Clinton Portis (19.40)

Joe put up a 140 while starting JaMarcus Russell. Boring game.

Donald Driver: High on life
...and Crystal Meth, it looks like...

RI COLTS vs. TTB
Teabaggers teabag Colts
129.55-108.65
Team Stars
Colts: Donald Driver (26.60)
TTB: Michael Jenkins (20.40)

Sticking with bad running backs is apparently the theme of the year. I will never understand why people would throw away 100 bucks rather than admit they made a bad draft pick. Doesnt make a difference at this point, of course, but there was a time something could have been done. Then again, LJ gave just enough hope that he was going to pan out...

THE BREASTS vs. THE SPREAD EAGLES
Eagles win despite stinking up the joint
95.40-77.20
Team Stars
Breasts: Andre Johnson (16.20)
Eagles: Owen Daniels (24.30)

Who the hell is Michael Bennett? It sounds familiar... but I have no clue who that is.

Also, Joey Porter was 100% right about Brandon Marshall. What a tool. Im glad I dont have any fairies like that on my team. Tell your players to stop looking at other players' muscles, Georgie.

Ernie Graham... got all dressed up to hang out... at like, an abondoned
subway line... for some reason. I guess he's just delighted to
no longer be a Brown B-Rad.

SK WARRIORS vs. JGR
Warriors dominate
100.90-100.55
Team Stars
Warriors: Earnest Graham (18.25)
Rainbows: Matt Jones (13.90)

If only someone had let John know what the rest of the country knew: Edgerrin James has lost his job to Timmy Hightower.

Ouch, buddy.

Thomas Jones, shown here with
first lady-elect Michelle Obama

THE STRATT MEN vs. THE LEG SWEEPERS
Sweepers Sweep
137.30-66.00
Team Stars
Men:Al as Women:Ben. No Star for you. (Alright, I'll give one to Berrian, but you dont deserve it.)
Sweepers: Thomas Jones (22.70)

When I do the odds at the beginning of the year you may have noticed I give preference to teams that have played before and pay attention... read my blog... whatever. There is an implicit assumption in this that even if one of the other managers has a really good team he will mismanage it and fuck it up somehow. In that light, let me present Exhibit A: Ben starting TJ Duckett two weeks in a row... against Rice and Joe. In a game where the margin for error is razor thin you simply cant get away with mistakes like that. Not that it would have made a difference here... but its indicative of a larger, systematic problem.

2) Bets

-CASALI LIQUORS CUP

A conference style competition, for anyone who works or who has worked at Casali Liquors. Wager amount TBD. Cup awarded to the team with the best record against other Casali Cup teams. If the event of a tie the tiebreaker will be who won when the tied teams met head to head.

2-0 StS
1-1 Beasts
0-0 Ambulance Chasers
0-2 RI Colts

Past Winners:
2007: RI Colts
2006: Ambulance Chasers

-CHAMPIONS CUP

A conference style competition, for past winners of the CFFL Championship. Cup awarded to the team with the best record against other Champions Cup teams. If the event of a tie the tiebreaker will be total points scored in Champions Cup games.

1-0 Donkey Punchers ( total points)
1-1 Ambulance Chasers (232.15)
0-1 Brown B-Rads

If Joe beats Brad when they meet he will win the Cup. If he loses the scenarios break down like this:

• For Joe to win the Cup if he loses, he must score more than 109.90 to finish ahead of me and must lose by less than 8.75 to Brad in order to finish ahead of him.
• For Brad to win the Cup, Joe must lose and he must score at least 118.65 to finish ahead of me and he must outscore Joe by 8.75 to finish ahead of Joe.
• For Al to win the Cup, Joe must lose and he cannot score more than 109.90, and Brad must win and not score more than 118.65.

It is the inaugural season for the Champions Cup

3) Heroes

MOST POINTS BY A TEAM THIS WEEK
141.85 - Donkey Punchers vs. Spank It Boyz

MOST POINTS BY A PLAYER THIS WEEK
28.60 - Derrick Mason - Brown B-Rads ON HIS BENCH!!!!
28.10 - Chris Johnson - Ambulance Chasers

MOST POINTS BY A TEAM IN A SINGLE WEEK THIS YEAR
168.05 - Spread Eagles vs. SK Warriors (Week 7)
157.45 - Brown B-Rads vs. SK Warriors (Week 2)
151.60 - SK Warriors vs. Breasts (Week 6)
149.95 - JGR vs. RI Colts (Week 8)
149.40 - Brown B-Rads vs Beasts (Week 4)
147.35 - Breasts vs. SK Warriors (Week 6)
146.80 - Ambulance Chasers vs. GOODFELLAS (Week 2)
146.35 - Leg Sweepers vs. StS (Week 2)
141.85 - Donkey Punchers vs. Spank It Boyz (Week 9)
140.95 - Ambulance Chasers vs. Spank It Boyz (Week 5)
138.25 - SK Warriors vs. RI Colts (Week 3)
139.65 - Stratt Men vs. Spank It Boyz (Week 7)
137.90 - Donkey Punchers vs StS (Week 1)
137.30 - Leg Sweepers vs. the Stratt Men (Week 9)
136.35 - GOODFELLAS vs SK Warriors (Week 8)
136.00 - Stratt Men (Week 3)

MOST CUMULATIVE POINTS BY A PLAYER THIS YEAR
188.15 - Drew Brees - Pat
185.85 - Kurt Warner - Rice
182.70 - Phillip Rivers - Brad
181.50 - Aaron Rodgers - Jay
179.05 - Jay Cutler - Mike
174.50 - Clinton Portis - Terry
167.90 - Marion Barber - John
161.40 - Andre Johnson - George
160.00 - Donovan Mcnabb - Vinny
158.20 - Peyton Manning - AS

Andre Johnson, shown here with
first lady-elect Michelle Obama

4) Stars

STARS OF THE WEEK (Star #1 = 3 stars, #2 = 2 stars, #3 = 1 star)

STAR #1: 28.10 - Chris Johnson - Ambulance Chasers
STAR #2: 26.60 - Donald Driver - RI Colts
STAR #3: 26.05 - Donovan McNabb - TTB

STAR LEADERS (Most stars at the end of of the season is the MVP)

11 Andre Johnson

7 Brian Westbrook
7 Marion Barber

6 Anquan Boldin
6 Brandon Marshall
6 Michael Turner

5 Lav Coles
5 Donald Driver
5 Steven Jackson
5 Chris Johnson
5 Larry Johnson
5 Clinton Portis

4 TJ Houshyomommakfhjefafdflhdah
4 Greg Jennings
4 LT
4 Roddy White

3 Bernard Berrian
3 Drew Brees
3 Reggie Bush
3 Thomas Jones
3 Donovan McNabb
3 Lance Moore
3 Mewelde Moore
3 Santana Moss
3 FWP
3 Adrian Peterson

2 Antonio Bryant
2 Correll Buckhalter
2 Plaxico Burress
2 Jerricho Cotchery
2 Jay Cutler
2 DeSean Jackson
2 Brandon Jacobs
2 Larry Fitzgerald
2 Frank Gore
2 Aaron Rodgers
2 Hines Ward
2 LenDale White

1 Donnie Avery
1 Steve Breaston
1 Ronnie Brown
1 Isaac Bruce
1 Chris Chambers
1 Dallas Clark
1 Chris Cooley
1 Owen Daniels
1 Braylon Edwards
1 Tony Gonzalez
1 Earnest Graham
1 Marvin Harrison
1 Ike Hilliard
1 Vincent Jackson
1 Edgerrin James
1 Michael Jenkins
1 Calvin Johnson
1 Chad Johnson
1 Matt Jones
1 Marshawn Lynch
1 Darren McFadden
1 Randy Moss
1 Phillip Rivers
1 Dominic Rhodes
1 Steve Smith
1 Fred Taylor
1 Kurt Warner
1 Reggie Wayne
1 Kellen Winslow
1 Jason Witten

5) Zeroes (players who started and scored no points)

Jay - Chansi Stuckey
John - Edgerrin James
Ben - Sebastien Janikowski

Andre Johnson, shown here with
first lady-elect Brad Arbige

6) Almost Zeroes (Players who started and scored few points – less than 15 FFP for a QB; less than 10 for a RB, less than 5 for a WR)

Mike - Brandon Stokley
Mike - Steven Jackson
Jay - Ricky Williams
Joe - Jamarcus Russell
Terry - Matt Schaub INJURY
Terry - Chris Perry
Tom - Joey Galloway
Tom - Michael Pittman
Vinny -LenDale White
George - Ben Roethlisjewbersfafejjjeeger
George - Brandon Marshall
George - Michael Bennett
Pat - Roy Williams
Pat - Marshawn Lynch
Pat - Joe Addai
Steve - Chad Pennington
John - Marion Barber
Ben - Kyle Orton INJURY
Ben - Santana Moss
Ben - Bobby Wade
Ben - TJ Duckett
Rice - Justin Fargas


7) Haiku of the Week

November arrives
How many wins will it take?
Real race begins...

8) Videos of the Week





THE LAMEST COMMERCIAL EVER:

WEEKLY REVIEW: WEEK 8

1) Matchups

THE AMBULANCE CHASERS vs LEG SWEEPERS
Chasers lose a heartbreaker
119.35-117.95
Team Stars
Chasers: Brian Westbrook (38.90)
Sweepers: Anquan Boldin (30.30)

GFY. GF all of you.

Shockingly, the Patriots found another way to screw me - I had to pick up Jason Elam and play him over Gostkowski. Elam got 2 points, Gostkowski got 11. Im a fucking idiot.

LT auditioning for the final scene in "The Patriot"

SK WARRIORS vs. THE GOODFELLAS
GOODFELLAS manage to... win... a game? Really?
136.35-124.55
Team Stars
Warriors: Frank Gore (22.90)
Fellas: LT (28.00)

Ugly. I have nothing to say about this travesty of a game either.

Yes, its true... I mostly use these pictures to imply
players on other teams are gay.

THE STRATT MEN vs. THE DONKEY PUNCHERS
Punchers get a cheap win
128.40-110.05
Team Stars
Men: Santana Moss (29.00)
Punchers: Tony Gonzalez (19.90)

Way to start Reggie Bush, Ben. Ben's two RBs to play Joe were Reggie Bush and TJ Duckett! SOMEHOW Duckett got 6.10. Almost foiled Joe and Ben's plans.

At this time Id like to remind everyone that Ben traded Joe Earnest Graham for Muhsin Muhammed last year... singlehandedly giving him the championship. Shame on you two.

P.S. If people stopped texting me asking where the review was I might not be such a dick reviewing their games. Might. At least on weeks where I dont lose bullshit games to Rice.

Who...?

THE BROWN B-RADS vs. TTB
Brad continues spreading his crapulence all over the fantasy landscape
113.15-92.35
Team Stars
B-Rads: Donnie Avery (28.30)
TTB: Lance Moore (21.00)

Brad must have a horshshore next to the dildo up his ass. Jason Witten gets injured after 1.80 points. Gay. Put up 113 points again next week Brad. I dare you.

Drew Brees in college

StS vs. THE SPREAD EAGLES
Spread Eagles all but eliminates Mike
135.45-117.40
Team Stars
StS: Dallas Clark (28.40)
Eagles: Drew Brees (28.95)

Just looking over Pat's team I noticed that only his TE and QB put up his points in winning efforts. The rest of his players lost this week. Weird. It happens, though.

If I ever meet Lee Evans he is a fucking dead man. I hope you enjoyed your three year hibernation on my rosters, asshole.

RI COLTS vs. JGR
Wonder Woman wins another game
149.95-73.05
Team Stars
Colts: Jerricho Cotchery (19.20)
JGR: Roddy White (31.30)

Tom: have you considered prayer? Seriously, though, start focusing on Fantasy Basketball. This was one of the biggest train wreck seasons Ive seen. Did it feel like 8 weeks of falling down stairs? Even more troubling is that this will be Tom's last fantasy football season as a free man. Good luck preparing next season, pal. This may have been your best, last chance. You might want to also clear your mind completely and do the opposite of what everyone else thinks is logical. This is called the Sweeney method. If you do this no amount of wifey nagging or lack of preparation can ruin your fantasy efforts.

John: I was very wrong about your terrible team and terrible Roddy White. Please stop.

Lav Coles: Too stupid to go to a real college

THE BREASTS vs. THE SPANK IT BOYZ
Terry crushes George's hopes
130.30-100.45
Team Stars
Breasts: Andre Johnson (25.30)
Boyz: Lav Coles (20.00)

Ouch! Warrick Dunn! Ive said it before and I'll say it again: You cant win starting Warrick Dunn. I dont know what youre trying to prove. All that matters is "W's" and "L's."

If it makes you feel better George, Pat was remarking how unlucky youve been at poker this week. Also, I too hate fantasy football. The difference is I will be making the playoffs.

This notorious gambler won a World Series with the Phillies
...and then lost it all betting on the Rays in 08.
The fact he allowed himself to be photographed like this is
one more reason he deserves his lifetime ban.

2) Bets

-CASALI LIQUORS CUP

A conference style competition, for anyone who works or who has worked at Casali Liquors. Wager amount TBD. Cup awarded to the team with the best record against other Casali Cup teams. If two teams tie the tiebreaker will be who won when the tied teams met head to head.

2-0 StS
1-1 Beasts
0-0 Ambulance Chasers
0-2 RI Colts

Past Winners:
2007: RI Colts
2006: Ambulance Chasers


-CHAMPIONS CUP

A conference style competition, for past winners of the CFFL Championship. Cup awarded to the team with the best record against other Champions Cup teams.

1-0 Donkey Punchers
0-0 Brown B-Rads
0-1 Ambulance Chasers

It is the inaugural season for the Champions Cup

Big match this week!

Congrats to the 2008 World Champion Philadelphia Phillies!

3) Heroes

MOST POINTS BY A TEAM THIS WEEK
149.95 - JGR vs. RI Colts

MOST POINTS BY A PLAYER THIS WEEK
38.90 - Brian Westbrook

MOST POINTS BY A TEAM IN A SINGLE WEEK THIS YEAR
168.05 - Spread Eagles vs. SK Warriors (Week 7)
157.45 - Brown B-Rads vs. SK Warriors (Week 2)
151.60 - SK Warriors vs. Breasts (Week 6)
149.95 - JGR vs. RI Colts (Week 8)
149.40 - Brown B-Rads vs Beasts (Week 4)
147.35 - Breasts vs. SK Warriors (Week 6)
146.80 - Ambulance Chasers vs. GOODFELLAS (Week 2)
146.35 - Leg Sweepers vs. StS (Week 2)
140.95 - Ambulance Chasers vs. Spank It Boyz (Week 5)
138.25 - SK Warriors vs. RI Colts (Week 3)
139.65 - Stratt Men vs. Spank It Boyz (Week 7)
137.90 - Donkey Punchers vs StS (Week 1)
136.35 - GOODFELLAS vs SK Warriors (Week 8)
136.00 - Stratt Men (Week 3)

MOST CUMULATIVE POINTS BY A PLAYER THIS YEAR
188.15 - Drew Brees - Spread Eagles
182.70 - Phillip Rivers - Brown B-Rads
162.70 -Marion Barber - JGR
160.95 - Kurt Warner - Leg Sweepers
160.70 - Aaron Rodgers - GOODFELLAS
158.00 - Frank Gore - SK Warriors
155.50 - Jay Cutler - StS
155.10 - Clinton Portis - Spank It Boyz
145.20 - Andre Johnson - Breasts
142.15 - Brett Favre - StS

4) Stars

STARS OF THE WEEK (Star #1 = 3 stars, #2 = 2 stars, #3 = 1 star)

STAR #1: 38.90 - Brian Westbrook - Ambulance Chasers
STAR #2: 31.30 - Roddy White - JGR
STAR #3: 30.30 - Anquan Boldin - Leg Sweepers

STAR LEADERS (Most stars at the end of of the season is the MVP)

10 Andre Johnson

7 Brian Westbrook
7 Marion Barber

6 Anquan Boldin
6 Brandon Marshall
6 Michael Turner

5 Lav Coles
5 Steven Jackson
5 Larry Johnson

4 TJ Houshyomommakfhjefafdflhdah
4 Greg Jennings
4 Clinton Portis
4 LT
4 Roddy White

3 Drew Brees
3 Reggie Bush
3 Lance Moore
3 Mewelde Moore
3 Santana Moss
3 FWP

2 Bernard Berrian
2 Correll Buckhalter
2 Plaxico Burress
2 Jerricho Cotchery
2 Donald Driver
2 DeSean Jackson
2 Brandon Jacobs
2 Thomas Jones
2 Larry Fitzgerald
2 Frank Gore
2 Adrian Peterson
2 Aaron Rodgers
2 Hines Ward
2 LenDale White

1 Donnie Avery
1 Steve Breaston
1 Ronnie Brown
1 Isaac Bruce
1 Antonio Bryant
1 Chris Chambers
1 Dallas Clark
1 Chris Cooley
1 Jay Cutler
1 Braylon Edwards
1 Tony Gonzalez
1 Marvin Harrison
1 Ike Hilliard
1 Vincent Jackson
1 Edgerrin James
1 Calvin Johnson
1 Chris Johnson
1 Marshawn Lynch
1 Darren McFadden
1 Donovan McNabb
1 Randy Moss
1 Phillip Rivers
1 Dominic Rhodes
1 Steve Smith
1 Fred Taylor
1 Kurt Warner
1 Reggie Wayne
1 Kellen Winslow
1 Jason Witten


5) Zeroes (players who started and scored no points)

Ben - Reggie Bush FUCKING RIDICULOUS BEN
Tom - Josh Morgan

6) Almost Zeroes (Players who started and scored few points – less than 15 FFP for a QB; less than 10 for a RB, less than 5 for a WR)

George - Warrick Dunn
George - MJD
George - Big Ben
Tom - Jeff Garcia
Tom - Marvin Harrison
Tom - Cedric Benson
John - JT O'Sullivan
Mike - Plaxico Burress
Brad - Derrick Mason
Brad - Brandon Jacobs
Vinny - Hank Baskett
Vinny - Jonathan Stewart
Ben - TJ Duckett
Joe - Michael Turner
Steve - Ronnie Brown
Steve - Trent Edwards
Rice - Fred Taylor


7) Haiku of the Week

Spank It's Bro gets "W"
Phillies crush the Devil Rays!
Fuck Fucking Jeff Rice!

8) Videos of the Week



The dumbest Price is Right Contestant Ever:

WEEKLY REVIEW: WEEK 7

Blame the Red Sox for last week... gfy

1) Matchups

CJ ran a 4.24 forty at the combine. If Usain Bolt and CJ raced around the world CJ would lap him twice.

THE AMBULANCE CHASERS vs DONKEY PUNCHERS
Chasers lose their Champions Cup opener
123.25-105.65
Team Stars
Chasers: Chris Johnson (25.20)
Punchers: Antonio Bryant (23.50)

Fuck me. Fuck me team. Im still going to make the playoffs, assholes, even after I lose my next two games(Brad and Rice). I have nothing but crappy teams down the stretch. Yeah, that's right. I said it.

I hate fantasy football. Thank god its fantasy basketball season... and only about 3 months and 3 weeks until pitchers and catchers!

Dominic Rhodes and his grandfather

SK WARRIORS vs. SPREAD EAGLES
Spread Eagles win the "Everything Broke Right Bowl"
168.05-66.65
Team Stars
Warriors: NONE
Eagles: Dominic Rhodes (27.40)

Wow, Pat did this despite nobody scoring more than 27.40 points! GFY Pat.

Cocksucker passed me in total points, too, though he had to go for almost 170 to barely do it.


STRATT MEN vs. THE SPANK IT BOYZ
Stratt Men prove me right again
139.65-110.45
Team Stars
Boyz: Clinton Portis (25.30)
II
Men: Steve Smith (24.20)

Ok, now try winning without Reggie Bush, loser!

BROWN B-RADS vs. JGR
Im seriously out of names here, folks
126.40-110.70
Team Stars
B-Rads: A Pete (26.00)
JGR: Marion the Barbarian (18.30)

Fuck you, Johnny. You want me to get the review out earlier? Beat fucking Brad for me. He only put up 126, for chrissake.

Id apologize about Brandon Jones... but you only missed out on 1.90 points from Meachem in the alternative.


StS vs. THE BEASTS
Mike wins a Casali Cup Showdown
125.10-99.70
Team Stars
StS: Steven Jackson (37.60)
Breasts: Andre Johnson (25.10)

Mike wins a big matchup, ensuring that he will be in contention for the Casali Cup.

Rudi Johnson, George? He's a drop*.


*-Brad, Im claiming Rudi Johnson


RI COLTS vs. GOODFELLAS
Tom gets off the Schneid
112.35-76.50
Team Stars
Colts: Mewelde Moore (36.40)
Fellas: Chad Ocho Sucko (19.20)

See, Tom? All you had to do was score 112 to win a game!

Holy shit, if you had asked me before the season if I thought there was a chance Andoscia would have gone undefeated... well, I would have thought for a second and said "yeah, like 75%." I just would never have imagined it was JAY Andoscia.

Free Willy 4: Revenge of LenWhale

TTB vs. Leg Sweepers
Sweepers get swept
131.50-89.15
Team Stars
TTB: LenDale White (34.60)
Leg Sweepers: Thomas Jones (16.90)

I have to say Im impressed that Vinny has managed to get to 4-3 despite the injuries and bad losses he suffered.

I also have to say Im TERRIFIED of facing Rice the week after his great WRs only put up 15 points total... that fucking sucks.


2) Bets

-CASALI LIQUORS CUP

A conference style competition, for anyone who works or who has worked at Casali Liquors. Wager amount TBD. Cup awarded to the team with the best record against other Casali Cup teams. If two teams tie the tiebreaker will be who won when the tied teams met head to head.

2-0 StS
1-1 Beasts
0-0 Ambulance Chasers
0-2 RI Colts

Past Winners:
2007: RI Colts
2006: Ambulance Chasers

-CHAMPIONS CUP

A conference style competition, for past winners of the CFFL Championship. Cup awarded to the team with the best record against other Champions Cup teams.

1-0 Donkey Punchers
0-0 Brown B-Rads
0-1 Ambulance Chasers

It is the inaugural season for the Champions Cup

-YANKEES
Mike sucks. Yankees suck. Arod sucks.

-NL EAST
John sucks. Mets suck. Yankees suck.


3) Heroes

MOST POINTS BY A TEAM THIS WEEK (WEEK 7)
168.05 - Spread Eagles vs. SK Warriors RECORD!

MOST POINTS BY A TEAM THIS WEEK (WEEK 6)
151.60 - SK Warriors vs. Breasts

MOST POINTS BY A PLAYER THIS WEEK (WEEK 7)
37.60 - Steven Jackson

MOST POINTS BY A PLAYER THIS WEEK (WEEK 6)
34.30 - Marion Barber

MOST POINTS BY A TEAM IN A SINGLE WEEK THIS YEAR
168.05 - Spread Eagles vs. SK Warriors (Week 7) RECORD! HOW DID HE DO THIS WHEN THE HIGHEST SCORING PLAYER ONLY SCORED 27 BLAH BLAH BLAH???
157.45 - Brown B-Rads vs. SK Warriors (Week 2)
151.60 - SK Warriors vs. Breasts (Week 6)
149.40 - Brown B-Rads vs Beasts (Week 4)
147.35 - Breasts vs. SK Warriors (Week 6)
146.80 - Ambulance Chasers vs. GOODFELLAS (Week 2)
146.35 - Leg Sweepers vs. StS (Week 2)
140.95 - Ambulance Chasers vs. Spank It Boyz (Week 5)
138.25 - SK Warriors vs. RI Colts (Week 3)
139.65 - Stratt Men vs. Spank It Boyz (Week 7)
137.90 - Donkey Punchers vs StS (Week 1)
136.00 - Stratt Men (Week 3)

MOST CUMULATIVE POINTS BY A PLAYER THIS YEAR
161.10 - Drew Brees - Spread Eagles
160.70 - Aaron Rodgers - GOODFELLAS
155.50 - Jay Cutler - StS
153.75 - Phillip Rivers - Brown B-Rads
146.70 - Marion Barber - JGR
141.15 - Tony Romo - JGR
140.90 - Clinton Portis - Spank It Boyz
138.80 - Matt Forte - Stratt Men
138.00 - Reggie Bush - Stratt Men
135.10 - Frank Gore - SK Warriors


4) Stars

WEEK 6 STARS
Chasers - Correll Buckhalter (30.80)
Stratt Men - Bernard Berrian (24.40)
Warriors - Steve Breaston (24.20) (How ironic the Breasts were beaten by a guy named "Breaston")
Breasts - Andre Johnson (33.80)
TTB - Lance Moore (16.70)
Punchers - Vincent Jackson (24.40)
B-Rads - Greg Jennings (19.40)
FELLAS - Aaron Rodgers (26.70)
StS - Plaxico Burress (15.80)
Boyz - Braylon Edwards (28.40)
Colts - Marvin Harrison (23.30)
Eagles - Drew Brees (28.70)
JGR - Marion Barber (34.30)
Sweepers - Thomas Jones (28.80)

STARS OF THE WEEK (WEEK 6) (Star #1 = 3 stars, #2 = 2 stars, #3 = 1 star)

STAR #1: 34.30 - Marion Barber - JGR
STAR #2: 33.80 - Andre Johnson - Breasts
STAR #3: 30.80 - Correll Buckhalter - Chasers

STARS OF THE WEEK (WEEK 7) (Star #1 = 3 stars, #2 = 2 stars, #3 = 1 star)

STAR #1: 37.60 - Steven Jackson - StS
STAR #2: 36.40 - Mewelde Moore - RI Colts
STAR #3: 34.60 - LenDale White - TTB


STAR LEADERS (Most stars at the end of of the season is the MVP)

9 Andre Johnson

7 Marion Barber

6 Brandon Marshall
6 Michael Turner

5 Steven Jackson
5 Larry Johnson

4 Anquan Boldin
4 Lav Coles
4 TJ Houshyomommakfhjefafdflhdah
4 Greg Jennings
4 Clinton Portis

3 Reggie Bush
3 FWP
3 LT
3 Brian Westbrook

2 Bernard Berrian
2 Drew Brees
2 Correll Buckhalter
2 Plaxico Burress
2 Donald Driver
2 DeSean Jackson
2 Brandon Jacobs
2 Thomas Jones
2 Larry Fitzgerald
2 Lance Moore
3 Mewelde Moore
2 Santana Moss
2 Adrian Peterson
2 Aaron Rodgers
2 Hines Ward
2 LenDale White

1 Steve Breaston
1 Ronnie Brown
1 Isaac Bruce
1 Antonio Bryant
1 Chris Chambers
1 Chris Cooley
1 Jerricho Cotchery
1 Jay Cutler
1 Braylon Edwards
1 Frank Gore
1 Marvin Harrison
1 Ike Hilliard
1 Vincent Jackson
1 Edgerrin James
1 Calvin Johnson
1 Chris Johnson
1 Marshawn Lynch
1 Darren McFadden
1 Donovan McNabb
1 Randy Moss
1 Phillip Rivers
1 Dominic Rhodes
1 Steve Smith
1 Fred Taylor
1 Kurt Warner
1 Reggie Wayne
1 Kellen Winslow
1 Jason Witten
1 Roddy White

"Fat, Drunk, Stupid and pitching for the New York
Yankees is no way to go through life, son"

5) Zeroes (players who started and scored no points)

Steve - Marques Colston
Brad - Donte Rosario
John - Brandon Jones
Mike - INDY DEF
Tom - Bryant Johnson

7) Almost Zeroes (Players who started and scored few points – less than 15 FFP for a QB; less than 10 for a RB, less than 5 for a WR)

Vinny - Lance Moore
Vinny - Bobby Engram
Rice - Reggie Wayne
Tom - Peyton Manning
Tom - Marvin Harrison
Tom - Michael Pittman
Jay - Aaron Rodgers
Jay - Ricky Williams
Mike - Jay Cutler
George - Warrick Dunn
George - Rudi Johnson
Ben - Reggie Bush
Steve - Frank Gore
Steve - Ronnie Brown
Pat - Drew Brees
Al - Eli Manning
Al - Jerricho Cotchery INJURY
Al - Kolby Smith
Joe - Julius Jones

Possible footage of Lunchbox Chamberlain drunkenly running
away from the Po-Po... and the taunts of Red Sox fans.
You cant hide from 3rd place, Lunchy.

8) Haiku of the Week

Sox bow out at last
Joba gets a DUI
Such a fucking tool

9) Videos of the Week